Do you seek validation from others when it comes to going after your passion, dreams, and business ideas? Stuff that fires you up on the inside and you know will be a hit? Still awaiting the “Yes go and do that or I think you shouldn’t pursue that”, response from people? If you have answered yes to this question, or feel at one point this was you. I want you to keep reading on.
This was me about 7 months ago. After a lot of prayer and listening to Myleik Teele’s guest appearance on Side Hustle Pro podcast, I finally woke up and smelled the roses. Myliek Teele is an entrepreneur, and CEO of curlbox who focuses on empowering women in their careers and businesses. (feel free to check out her gems on her podcast here) This is what Myleik stated verbatim from the podcast, “You know I some days I feel like I was born with an unshakable confidence. I am not wrapped up in the thoughts of others. Most people just don’t understand. Opposition from others is just lack of understanding. If you are looking for people to validate you, you are looking for a world of trouble. You could be doing something fantastic and they might not see it because they aren’t your audience. The people you are looking for validation from are probably not even your targets.” Boom! once I heard her say that It resonated to my core! It was the fuel I needed to begin doing what truly made me happy! I was overwhelmed in that moment with clarity. It felt so good.
When we are constantly seeking validation in our dreams, goals etc.. we start to doubt ourselves and question how successful we can become in our future endeavers. Anxiety and questioning ourselves whether it will work is normal, but not trying at all because someone opposes your idea is detrimental to yourself and the future you. The same people you’re seeking validation from probably aren’t even your audience, like Myliek said.
In seeking validation, you also Get wrapped up in what people think you’re capable of instead of believing that voice within yourself that hasn’t been tapped into yet. You won’t ever go after whatever it is you want if you become concerned about what everyone thinks. If I were still wrapped up in people’s thoughts, I would not be here writing this blog post. I think I’ve heard almost every opposing thing to get me to focus on other things besides fashion blogging.
You’ll drive yourself into more unhappiness the more you seek validation. When I was at that point, I was in a place of constant confusion and doubt. You should not for a moment neglect your happiness, especially when you know what fires you up on the inside. We need to do a better job at erasing those comments, and negative thoughts people try to place in our heads. As well as refraining from surrounding ourselves with people that do not support where we’re going. This includes anyone! Family is not exempt. I’m learning not everyone will understand and support your journey, and that’s okay. You can respectfully tell them you do not agree and that you wish to no longer surround yourself with them.
Reminiscing on this validation seeking moment I was in makes me so grateful for the growth I’ve endured. Succumbing to Failure and Doubt is the most detrimental thing you can do to yourself. I guess you can say validation seeking is a form of doubt. I was so anxious about what my mom thought, other family members and even some of my friends. The moment I let go of that mindset, I started get more clarity about what I wanted to pursue and ultimately my “why”. We all want our Parents to be proud of us and that was my concern; I wanted to make my mother proud. I wanted to show her proof that her money was not put to waste in funding my education. I don’t think any child wants to disappoint their parents, but in the same light we also cant live a life THEY wanted for themselves or want for us. We have to want it.
My advice for anyone is this state is to one please reach out to me! I want to help whoever is in this state! I needed someone to shake me and tell me how much I was tripping! I also would advise listening to the podcast episode of Side Hustle Pro, which I believe will bring you a lot of clarity. Here’s the link to the episode on itunes.
Has this ever been you at one point? Do you still find yourself having slip ups seeking validation from others?